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Username Post: What a great end to the day...not        (Topic#328106)
Nora 
Blue Crew Member
Posts: 53638
Nora
Reg: 01-22-03

09-05-13 04:19 PM - Post#4077290    

We had such a great day and now Char is in her room sobbing.

Her back talk got her sent to bed without eating. We let her play Mindcraft for two hours when we got home. Chris asked her if she was hungry and she said no. We told her that she needed to stop playing and find something else to do. She started with her mouth. And after Chris told her she was in her room for the rest of the night, she said she was hungry. Chris said too bad. She said she wasn't so now she has the consequences. She kept going.

Now she has no phone for the rest of the night and lost her game privileges for the rest of the weekend. It was ok in the summer but now it is back to school rules.

Are we wrong?


 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15926
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

09-05-13 05:31 PM - Post#4077296    
    In response to Nora

I mean this in the most loving kind way, no judgement here. I personally have this things about kids and hunger. I can't let them be hungry. Trust me I know how testy they are and I'm the first to take everything away. But I can't send them to bed hungry. Guilt would consume me the rest of the night LOL Maybe she can have something unfun to eat and then right to bed?

Bianca's mouth gets her in trouble all the time. I warn her I don't know how many times and she still goes on and on. She's doing chores at the moment because of it...

 
michann 
Scrapjazz Contributor
Posts: 25018
michann
Reg: 01-09-06

09-05-13 08:14 PM - Post#4077300    
    In response to carpe scrapum

I say give her something to eat. Make sure it's something she's not extremely fond of. If she's truly hungry, she'll eat it. It won't hurt her to go hungry for 1 night.

 
3 Little Ladies 
SJ Deity
Posts: 72636
3 Little Ladies
Reg: 03-10-05

09-05-13 08:27 PM - Post#4077306    
    In response to michann

Do you have a set amount of TV/computer/game play time in the evenings? Set a time and consequences if she goes over the allotted time.

Lilly is our mouthy child. I really think sometimes it's just their thought process. They don't mean for it to come out the way it sounds. Lilly will often apologize right after it comes out of her mouth. When she argues a topic to death I just say, "Lilly, I hear what you are saying, but this is not up for debate."

 
RedSquirrel 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 32343
RedSquirrel
Reg: 06-13-08

09-06-13 01:01 AM - Post#4077326    
    In response to 3 Little Ladies

No kids here so I can't offer any words of wisdom like Vivi's and Jen's and Michelle's. I just wanted to sympathise. I remember being a mouthy tween/teen too I just couldn't be wrong, and I couldn't let it go, and I hated myself even while I was answering back.

 
Gramma - Claudia 
SJ Eloquent One
Posts: 4338
Gramma - Claudia
Reg: 06-23-03

09-06-13 01:14 AM - Post#4077336    
    In response to Nora

I doubt you are doing her any harm. The hardest thing is sticking to your guns. Little buggers know where your hot buttons are and when they have you on the ropes. It's all worth it, really it is.

My daughter posted this on my FB page for my Birthday - -

Not everyone is lucky enough to have the kind of mom I have, I count my blessings every day that she was chosen for me. I love that my kids call her just to see if they can come hang out in her "Gramma Cave", and that when something special happens for them they can't wait to tell her. I thank her for teaching me what it is to be a real parent and providing such a great role model for our family in so many ways. Tomorrow is a special day for Claudia xxxxxx and I just want to be the first to day... Happy Birthday, I love you very much! — feeling blessed


And her brother followed up with this -

Ditto... My mom never let me down... not once! And seemed to hurt worse for me than I hurt for myself sometimes. I strive to be the parent to my boys that my parents were to me. The "old school values" that were instilled in me by my mom (& dad) are the one thing I am sure to pass on to my kids. Own your mistakes. Work hard, but don't ******* about it. Play as hard as you work. Take care of your own. Put your kids FIRST and the rest will fall into place! Thanks Mom, Love you!


Both of them had me in tears - - so hang in there, it's worth it!!

 
RedSquirrel 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 32343
RedSquirrel
Reg: 06-13-08

09-06-13 03:16 AM - Post#4077346    
    In response to Gramma - Claudia

Aw!

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27286
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

09-06-13 05:51 AM - Post#4077356    
    In response to RedSquirrel

awwww..... that is so sweet!

Nope.

 
gingersfavorite 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 46851
gingersfavorite
Reg: 08-13-07

09-06-13 06:02 AM - Post#4077364    
    In response to kaleidoscope

Nora - hoping today is a better day!

 
3 Little Ladies 
SJ Deity
Posts: 72636
3 Little Ladies
Reg: 03-10-05

09-06-13 06:25 AM - Post#4077374    
    In response to gingersfavorite

That is really sweet Claudia.

 
Beth Ann 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15477
Beth Ann
Reg: 01-23-03

09-06-13 07:20 AM - Post#4077392    
    In response to 3 Little Ladies

Hoping today is better.




 
Aunt Rosy 
SJ Grand Poobah
Posts: 1187
Aunt Rosy
Reg: 10-27-08

09-06-13 07:37 AM - Post#4077394    
    In response to Beth Ann

Gramma/Claudia, that posting was beautiful. To Nora, stick to your rules, they will appreciate it later. I had one pain-in-the-neck daughter, so I understand.

 
scaredycat 
SJ Aficionada
Posts: 941
scaredycat
Reg: 09-04-09

09-06-13 09:45 AM - Post#4077428    
    In response to Aunt Rosy

Gramma - thank you so much for sharing!!! just beautiful

Nora - I hope today is better. I have no words of advice - I have been truly blessed with non mouthy teens, though they do have the eye-rolling down pat. We stick to our rules with the older ones and they own their mistakes - moaning all the way!

Now the little one - she is going to make me pay. I have a feeling she is going to be super mouthy. I have been trying to nip it in the bud, but oh man does she fight back.

 
rottiefan 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 17992
rottiefan
Reg: 11-03-06

09-07-13 08:33 AM - Post#4077526    
    In response to scaredycat

Ugh, my girl is mouthy too. She has a good heart, that's what I remind myself to keep from going crazy! My son can get mouthy too, but in the end, he's more easy-going. I dread the teen/hormone years.

 
soccamom94 
SJ Grand Poobah
Posts: 1702

Reg: 12-29-05

09-08-13 06:24 AM - Post#4077620    
    In response to carpe scrapum

I have to agree with this post. Definitely no judgement being made, just my own thoughts. I also have always had a line that I draw with punishment that never includes a meal. Snacks, yes. Many times I've taken away a snack as a consequence, but never a meal. For me, mouthy or not, that's a basic need that I as a parent have to provide. Want to provide. I always remember many, many years ago when my oldest daughter was a toddler. I had been away somewhere one evening and my husband had been caring for our daughter. I got home late and she was in bed. In the middle of the night she woke up crying and wanted a snack. (she was barely 2) I had never given her snacks in the middle of the night and I said no. She cried herself back to sleep. Now keep in mind this was over 30 years ago. The next morning she ate like she hadn't eaten in days which was odd for my finnicky eater. Later on in conversation I asked my husband what she had for dinner the night before. His response was "um, was I supposed to feed her something? She never asked." So.... this would be where my food thing comes from. Oh, and fyi, we've been divorced for 22 years. lol

 
CBisme 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14880
CBisme
Reg: 10-05-07

09-08-13 07:35 AM - Post#4077654    
    In response to soccamom94

I think by asking if you're wrong, you know deep down that it is, a little...

My daughter is super, strong-willed and I'm not always proud of my parenting decisions because she push, push, pushes. Ultimately, skipping a meal is not going to cause her any trouble. I'm sure that it just hurts you.

I began recording my daughter's pre-teen temper tantrums with much success. I had her view them later and although she pretended not to care, I can tell that she was shocked at how ridiculous she seemed. Now, I just pull out my phone and she stops.

And I was a terrible, disrespectful child...I'm so happy that my parents were not armed with this technology...they tried everything with me and my mouth would never stop. Maturity changed me and I love my Mom (the main recipient of my crap) dearly. My Mom feels extreme guilt about some of the measures that they took to discipline me, and NONE of it was actually abusive, they just felt guilty. I emerged completely fine and was a very successful negotiator in my previous career.

So, big hugs to a Mom from a Mom who is fighting the fight too and trying not to lose my mind and dignity in the process. Ha.

 
rottiefan 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 17992
rottiefan
Reg: 11-03-06

09-08-13 01:18 PM - Post#4077692    
    In response to CBisme

Recording it, good idea Carey!! I might try that. I think we should all form a club...

 
CBisme 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14880
CBisme
Reg: 10-05-07

09-09-13 04:06 PM - Post#4077846    
    In response to rottiefan

Hahaha! Yes! I get president since my dd has been persnickety since birth!

 
Nora 
Blue Crew Member
Posts: 53638
Nora
Reg: 01-22-03

09-09-13 04:56 PM - Post#4077866    
    In response to CBisme

I had over-ruled Chris and let her eat something while he was out walking the dog. I WOULD NOT have given her that consequence but I believe in backing up my husband in public and talking about it in private. My parents did not do that and let me tell you, as children, we witnessed some really awful fights because of the disagreement in how each disciplined. Then we felt bad.

Later, Char came down and apologized. We had a long talk. She is able to have discussions with me that she cannot have with Chris.

Believe me, I was mouthier then she will EVER be. Nothing my parents did to discipline me worked. That is why I often just tell her to go to her room until she wants to talk to me in a civil tone. Chris, however, was always respectful so he gets more upset then me. After I send her up, I often laugh because I can so see myself in some of it. I like that she is standing up for herself. I just wish she would be like that with others and not just me!!

 
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