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Username Post: In a snit...        (Topic#324634)
Kayte H 
SJ Devotee
Posts: 172
Kayte H
Reg: 06-19-10

01-06-13 03:23 PM - Post#4037352    

I know I'm trying my DH's patience and it is his birthday weekend. HOWEVER, we have to go to my FIL's house for dinner and I am not happy about it. First of all my FIL and his wife (who I call the stepmonster) are uptight snobs who barely tolerate my existence- I think they truly believe I'm not long for this marriage (which is completely insane). They spend every get-together talking about their stuff and how important it is, getting angry about politics, giving us a hard time about our weight, all the while getting drinker and more belligerent as the night goes on. Plus I'm not allowed to mention J's mom or the stepmonster will have a complete meltdown. Seriously. I've seen it once before. I wish we were going out because they would have to at least act right in public to a certain degree.

My poor husband knows I hate being around them and when he asked me why I was moping around the house today I told him I wanted him to see his dad but I wasn't mentally prepared to get treated like crap today. I think i hurt his feelings a little but I wasn't trying to be ugly- just truthful. He know what's up, I think he just wishes his dad didn't dislike me so much. My MIL is a saint from heaven; she is like a second mother to me. I have no idea how she ended up with my FIL at one point.

Plus I haven't even touched my Cricut that I got for Christmas- seems like I just need some alone time.

Thanks for letting me rant, my DH has heard enough I guess.

 
RedSquirrel 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 32167
RedSquirrel
Reg: 06-13-08

01-06-13 03:33 PM - Post#4037358    
    In response to Kayte H

How rude! She sounds like a witch, and I'm sure she upsets your DH almost as much as she upsets you. I hope you can find some strength from somewhere to cope with it, for his sake. How long will you be seeing them for? Just a few hours?

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27226
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

01-06-13 03:37 PM - Post#4037364    
    In response to Kayte H

I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with being treated crappy and your husband should man up about it. Says she who has had to deal with being treated poorly herself. One day recently my MIL made a comment (and we were out at a restaurant) and I said to hubby 'handle it' in my very calm but pi$$ed off voice. He says it was rude and she said she agreed it was and I had to say he was talking to you! This was because he told her I wasn't driving them to the airport (very early and late flights and I can't drive well at night let alone the hours!) and she made a comment that I can't do anything for anybody or something like that. I had already previously had to argue with him about it - they didn't want to pay for parking.

 
scrapanda 
SJ Diva
Posts: 7146
scrapanda
Reg: 03-04-07

01-06-13 03:40 PM - Post#4037370    
    In response to kaleidoscope

That is awful! They have no right to treat you that way! I hope your outing goes better than expected! Maybe they'll be a little better this time?

 
GwynnAsbury 
SJ Eloquent One
Posts: 3875
GwynnAsbury
Reg: 01-05-06

01-06-13 03:52 PM - Post#4037378    
    In response to scrapanda

I am sorry! Dealing with unruly in-laws is always difficult, you're trying to manage so many things! I also have a monster sister-in-law who attacks (berates and competes with actually) my husband, and will no longer acknowledge my existence even when I am around..... but you know I have learned to take a different perspective which is: 1) you get to leave at the end of the night, 2) you are extending a courtesy to them by giving them chances to improve their relationship with you, and 3) their behavior has no long lasting bearing on you. But on the other hand, my hubby and I steer clear of his family when I have a low tolerance for anything mainly because I don't watch my mouth and am very clear and direct in speaking all the time but particularly when I am in an introverted state and want to be left alone.......... Good luck!

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27226
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

01-06-13 04:07 PM - Post#4037386    
    In response to GwynnAsbury

What would happen if you gave them a good telling off?

 
Kayte H 
SJ Devotee
Posts: 172
Kayte H
Reg: 06-19-10

01-06-13 04:28 PM - Post#4037402    
    In response to kaleidoscope

Ya
  • kaleidoscope Said:
:( I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with being treated crappy and your husband should man up about it. Says she who has had to deal with being treated poorly herself. One day recently my MIL made a comment (and we were out at a restaurant) and I said to hubby 'handle it' in my very calm but pi$$ed off voice. He says it was rude and she said she agreed it was and I had to say he was talking to you! This was because he told her I wasn't driving them to the airport (very early and late flights and I can't drive well at night let alone the hours!) and she made a comment that I can't do anything for anybody or something like that. I had already previously had to argue with him about it - they didn't want to pay for parking.



This is JUST LIKE THEM!

They want you to do things for them all the time because they would rather use your resources instead of theirs. They fuss about not having much money yet they drive a Benz an a BMW and they vacation in Kiawah. The are stingy unless it benefits them.

My DH has had a serious talk with his dad once before but now I think it's time for me to take the gloves off. I've been ready to do that since our wedding.


 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27226
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

01-06-13 04:37 PM - Post#4037404    
    In response to Kayte H

I get not paying $100 for a week of parking but I seriously don't now how I manage to make it home every time I've had to do airport runs! He always has the worst times so I don't get anything out of the half hour trip like going to the craft stores. I will say on my MIL's behalf she's not stingy and has helped us a lot. She's just has a serious attitude problem.

At some point you have to say screw trying to keep the peace and give back what you get.

 
Kayte H 
SJ Devotee
Posts: 172
Kayte H
Reg: 06-19-10

01-06-13 04:56 PM - Post#4037408    
    In response to kaleidoscope

  • kaleidoscope Said:
What would happen if you gave them a good telling off?




Well last time I did (my FIL was on the receiving end) he ended up being really nice in a sort of overbearing, awkward way afterwards. I have a feeling he has the potential to be a nice guy if he wasn't saddled with his nasty witch of a wife. I've snapped on her before, a little bit, but she has never got a full-on telling off....yet.

 
Kayte H 
SJ Devotee
Posts: 172
Kayte H
Reg: 06-19-10

01-06-13 05:02 PM - Post#4037410    
    In response to GwynnAsbury

  • GwynnAsbury Said:
I am sorry! Dealing with unruly in-laws is always difficult, you're trying to manage so many things! I also have a monster sister-in-law who attacks (berates and competes with actually) my husband, and will no longer acknowledge my existence even when I am around..... but you know I have learned to take a different perspective which is: 1) you get to leave at the end of the night, 2) you are extending a courtesy to them by giving them chances to improve their relationship with you, and 3) their behavior has no long lasting bearing on you. But on the other hand, my hubby and I steer clear of his family when I have a low tolerance for anything mainly because I don't watch my mouth and am very clear and direct in speaking all the time but particularly when I am in an introverted state and want to be left alone.......... Good luck!



Oh my gosh! You sound just like me!

I try to think exactly like you in these situations but I guess it's just rubbing me the wrong way tonight. I hate always being on guard in case of an attack. I hate how drunk everyone gets because they don't want to deal with each other. It's just not healthy. Last night we had a lovely evening with my MIL and my BIL. Maybe I'm just disappointed to end my much needed weekend this way.

Thanks for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it!


 
FloridaScrapper 
SJ Deity
Posts: 84654
FloridaScrapper
Reg: 07-02-04

01-06-13 05:15 PM - Post#4037422    
    In response to Kayte H

in laws suck!! good luck!!!

 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15837
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

01-06-13 06:24 PM - Post#4037452    
    In response to kaleidoscope

  • kaleidoscope Said:
:( I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to put up with being treated crappy and your husband should man up about it. Says she who has had to deal with being treated poorly herself. One day recently my MIL made a comment (and we were out at a restaurant) and I said to hubby 'handle it' in my very calm but pi$$ed off voice. He says it was rude and she said she agreed it was and I had to say he was talking to you! This was because he told her I wasn't driving them to the airport (very early and late flights and I can't drive well at night let alone the hours!) and she
made a comment that I can't do anything for anybody or something like that. I had already previously had to argue with him about it - they didn't want to pay for parking.



Shall I send her a picture of Lucy in her dress holding her purse?????


 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15837
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

01-06-13 06:26 PM - Post#4037454    
    In response to carpe scrapum

Kayte, sorry they're are mean to you. I remove myself quite easy from situations like this but I hate the argument that I have to go through to get there... Hugs, I hope you find alone time.

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27226
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

01-06-13 07:19 PM - Post#4037466    
    In response to carpe scrapum

then I'd probably hear 'for other people'.

 
scrappinmamma 
SJ Eloquent One
Posts: 2678
scrappinmamma
Reg: 01-07-07

01-06-13 07:37 PM - Post#4037472    
    In response to kaleidoscope

I'm sorry you have to deal with them. Maybe next time, you can ask DH to have only him and his dad get together. That way you don't have to deal. If you don't mind me asking, why doesn't his dad like you?

Edited by scrappinmamma on 01-06-13 07:38 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.

 
Kiwifarmer 
SJ Eloquent One
Posts: 4931
Kiwifarmer
Reg: 09-13-02

01-06-13 08:34 PM - Post#4037484    
    In response to scrappinmamma

I have never had major in law problems...my fil is a pain, but I ignore him.

Can J just go do the family thing by himself? And you stay home and party with the cricut?

 
rottiefan 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 17948
rottiefan
Reg: 11-03-06

01-06-13 08:47 PM - Post#4037500    
    In response to Kiwifarmer

Some in-laws...not all they're cracked up to be.

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27226
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

01-06-13 09:14 PM - Post#4037516    
    In response to rottiefan

and some are just cracked...

 
Kayte H 
SJ Devotee
Posts: 172
Kayte H
Reg: 06-19-10

01-06-13 10:17 PM - Post#4037526    
    In response to scrappinmamma

  • scrappinmamma Said:
I'm sorry you have to deal with them. Maybe next time, you can ask DH to have only him and his dad get together. That way you don't have to deal. If you don't mind me asking, why doesn't his dad like you?



When I first met my DH I was a waitress and a line cook and when we started seeing each other I think my FIL and the stepmonster thought it was just a fling for him. I think that they are horrified that he kept me, instead of finding a nice little debutante sorority girl with a big-money family name. They are disgusted with my pratical, hardworking but unique family and they make no point to cover it up. The stepmonster was rude to my family and friends on our wedding day and they all still mention it to this day.

Once, at a cocktail party before our wedding, I was talking about my dress and the stepmonster actually said (I swear I'm not making this up) "it's fun to plan a wedding isn't it? You'll have fun planning your second wedding as well." I never wanted to hit someone so hard. I was in such a blind rage.

I'm never going to be "good enough" for my DH in their eyes but at the end of the day I don't care. My MIL adores me like a daughter and my DH treats me like a precious jewel. I know I've only been married 9 months but I adore him- especially because he knows that I'm not just making up all the nasty stuff that his dad and wife say and do. He validates my feelings but I know he walks a tight rope with them and I hate it for him. My DH keeps hoping that if I keep on being sweet and kind to them that I'm going to win them over but I'm running out of patience. I'm not sure if I can avoid them forever, especially if we have children. I guess if I do have a baby I can go from being reviled to being ignored which will be better I think. I'd rather be invisible I guess.

 
scrappinmamma 
SJ Eloquent One
Posts: 2678
scrappinmamma
Reg: 01-07-07

01-07-13 12:56 AM - Post#4037542    
    In response to Kayte H

Wow Kayte,

I am sorry. To bad one of the family members didn't knock her out or drop an entire batch of hot food on her!

My MIL felt the same way about me when I married and we are on our 21st year of marriage. She said nasty things at the wedding too and mistreated my family. And she use to call every 6 weeks just to tell me that she hated me and to tell DH not to buy a house or have kids with me, because we were only going to get divorced.
No reason; she was the same way with my SIL. It took 10 years of marriage, buying a house and our oldest being born for her to straighten out and be civil.

Hang in there and just be happy that he and his Mom love you!

 
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