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Username Post: Update on family drama        (Topic#324018)
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15733
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

12-10-12 03:00 PM - Post#4030840    

I had a long talk with my MIL this morning. She is very supportive of our decision to host at a restaurant and can't understand her daughter's stance on this. I felt bad for her. She also doesn't want to host all those people at her house and said she doesn't blame me for not wanting to either. She asked if we could do the gift exchange here at my house for just the immediate family and I said absolutely, I would love to host them here. We talked and talked and she told me how my SIL hangs up on her every time she tries to talk to her about xmas. She asked me to talk to SIL and make her come to her senses. I had to laugh and said "you are scared of your own daughter", she said "heck yeah I am, she's a beast!". That had me cracking up. She begged me practically to talk to her and said that we should just tell her "this is what we are doing" and be done. Greg doesn't think calling her bluff is a good idea, I think he's afraid of her too LOL His mom also said we should just go ahead and invite everyone else and let Carissa be the only butt causing trouble. Hehe, it shouldn't, but this makes me feel a little better about things.

Also, as I expected, SIL threw in that her kids have said they do not want to do xmas at a restaurant. I doubt that's true. I could also say "my girls really want to do it at the restaurant". Doesn't the majority get to pick? Seems to me everyone is on board except Carissa!

 
scrappydappydoodler 
SJ Diva
Posts: 5193
scrappydappydoodler
Reg: 11-21-07

12-10-12 04:19 PM - Post#4030868    
    In response to carpe scrapum

Invite everyone and let her make her own decision. If she doesn't show up then that's her loss.

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27105
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

12-10-12 04:20 PM - Post#4030870    
    In response to carpe scrapum

Good to hear she's on your side. If your MIL wants you to go ahead and host it at the restaurant, then you might as well take the bull by the horns and tell your SIL "I'm sorry you don't like us hosting at the restaurant but that is what we are doing. If you don't want to come, you'll be missed but we won't be changing the plans."

 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15733
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

12-10-12 04:25 PM - Post#4030874    
    In response to kaleidoscope

That is exactly what I told Greg we should say. He thinks it will cause more issues. It makes me wonder if he is causing issues by being too chicken too!

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27105
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

12-10-12 04:25 PM - Post#4030878    
    In response to carpe scrapum

Tell him to grow a pair.

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27105
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

12-10-12 04:26 PM - Post#4030880    
    In response to kaleidoscope



 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27105
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

12-10-12 04:26 PM - Post#4030882    
    In response to kaleidoscope

Tell him 'who do you want to live with? me or your sister?'

 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15733
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

12-10-12 04:31 PM - Post#4030888    
    In response to kaleidoscope

He does need a pair, sometimes he can be such a spineless jellyfish. With me too!

And I did tell him he can go live with her then... By the way Carissa is telling her mom she's going to have a stroke over all this. Greg and him mom are afraid because she has a PFO. I tried to reassure them that she is in no danger of any medical emergency but they are not the brightest bulbs in the house about all this...

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27105
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

12-10-12 04:45 PM - Post#4030898    
    In response to carpe scrapum

What's a pfo?

So, what she's really trying to do is manipulate them into getting her way. Oh, hell to the no!

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27105
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

12-10-12 04:50 PM - Post#4030900    
    In response to kaleidoscope

BTW, Vivi, I used to be the kind of person who didn't speak up/defend. It got old and it felt like crap. With some people, you just have to learn to not be a doormat.

 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15733
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

12-10-12 05:01 PM - Post#4030902    
    In response to kaleidoscope

  • kaleidoscope Said:
What's a pfo?

So, what she's really trying to do is manipulate them into getting her way. Oh, hell to the no!



A congenital hole in the heart. She had it closed a couple of years ago when she started having stroke like symptoms. Yes, she can be manipulative sometimes.

 
carpe scrapum 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 15733
carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

12-10-12 05:07 PM - Post#4030906    
    In response to kaleidoscope

  • kaleidoscope Said:
BTW, Vivi, I used to be the kind of person who didn't speak up/defend. It got old and it felt like crap. With some people, you just have to learn to not be a doormat.



I have developed a great big wall between me and those that pizz me off. Usually I just stop my relationship with them. With her though, we get along just fine and can usually have a great time together. She's been getting a bit stubborn in recent years and it's getting straining on the family.

 
scrappinmamma 
SJ Eloquent One
Posts: 2625
scrappinmamma
Reg: 01-07-07

12-10-12 05:14 PM - Post#4030916    
    In response to carpe scrapum

I'm glad that you have your MIL's support!

I agree with everyone else and I think that your SIL just wants to make it about her. She probably misses all of the attention from having the hole in her heart open. Now that it's closed, she probably wants the world to continue to revolve around her.

 
buttonscrapper 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 19004
buttonscrapper
Reg: 03-15-03

12-10-12 05:15 PM - Post#4030918    
    In response to carpe scrapum

My philosophy would be.....if you are hosting, then you get to decide where to have the gathering. Everyone is invited. If they don't like the plans, then they don't have to be there...

 
qaustriangirl 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 11315
qaustriangirl
Reg: 05-27-05

12-11-12 01:03 AM - Post#4031028    
    In response to buttonscrapper

It is good that your MIL is on your side. I agree with everyone else, she is invited, if she does not want to come, it is her loss. I wonder why some people always have to make everything difficult and don't care how much they hurt their family.

 
rottiefan 
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 17916
rottiefan
Reg: 11-03-06

12-11-12 12:35 PM - Post#4031112    
    In response to qaustriangirl

You host, you get the say, not her. When she hosts, she gets the say. Being a doormat suks. I have always stood up for myself but lately more so. I don't go with the "keeping peace" idea, being nice anymore, and giving people those as excuses to plow over me, esp. in-law situatios. Ya know how you might overlook what an in-law says snidely at you, just to "keep the peace." I now give it back and think 'if you dish it out be prepared to get it right back in your f a c e.' The BS is over.

Is this the SIL you guys were throwing money at each other a while back bc no one would take it?

 
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