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Username Post: How would you feel?        (Topic#323746)
Nora 
Blue Crew Member
Posts: 53392
Nora
Reg: 01-22-03

11-27-12 08:35 PM - Post#4028126    

Her is the backstory. My niece graduated from HS this spring. We went to her graduation and her little cook out after and gave her money. She didn't thank us nor did we get a thank you from her. In October I sent 2 packages FULL of Halloween decorations, candy, money etc. to her college. She texted me that she got them but never thanked me. I have to say I was a little upset. I spent a lot of time and $ shopping for fun things and packaging everything up and felt kind of bad that she didn't have a clue she was supposed to thank me.

This weekend she asked for Chi flat iron and a hair dryer for Christmas. Chi flat iron's are really expensive. If she hadn't been so ungrateful the last two times, I probably would have splurged and bought her the lowest price Chi. However, I don't want to. Chris was really mad because of her not thanking me for the Halloween stuff. He told me to text her back and say she is only getting a flat iron and not a Chi. How would you feel if this was you? Am I expecting too much?

Char writes thank you's because I make her. However, as she gets older, I hope she continues as it is the right thing to do-even if it is in an e-mail!!



 
Nora 
Blue Crew Member
Posts: 53392
Nora
Reg: 01-22-03

11-27-12 08:36 PM - Post#4028128    
    In response to Nora

And I don't do things to get thank you's either. I am just upset that she doesn't know she should. Again, am I expecting too much?

 
rottiefan 
SJ Divalicious
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rottiefan
Reg: 11-03-06

11-27-12 09:06 PM - Post#4028132    
    In response to Nora

If someone gives you something, IMHO the person should show gratitude. No gratitude, no gifts.

 
rottiefan 
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rottiefan
Reg: 11-03-06

11-27-12 09:09 PM - Post#4028134    
    In response to rottiefan

And it appears like it's not just "a thing" that happened once since it happened again. All that would've been needed for me was a simple 'thanks.' KWIM?

 
HollerinRat 
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HollerinRat
Reg: 02-19-05

11-27-12 09:43 PM - Post#4028140    
    In response to rottiefan

I'm really torn on this issue. I personally, wouldn't give any thought to not getting a thank you, and think that many people put way too much stock into that sort of thing. On the other side, I still intend to teach my children to be very gracious, send/say thank yous, and show appreciation even for little things.

I guess my point is that I think it is sadly a lot art, but that I don't begrudge people for it.

 
Aunt Rosy 
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Aunt Rosy
Reg: 10-27-08

11-27-12 10:10 PM - Post#4028144    
    In response to HollerinRat

Nora, I guess because I am from the older generation I expect "thank you" notes when I send gifts and or money. Two years ago I had 3 relatives to graduate from HS and 2 sent thank you notes immediately and one was a guy. He even notice that I had made the card I sent with the money. However, one did not. He did not send a thank you note to his grandparents either. This past spring I had a grandson graduate and he sent me a thank you note. I just think it is good manners and the way children were raised. Just my 2 cents.


 
scrappinmamma 
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scrappinmamma
Reg: 01-07-07

11-27-12 10:26 PM - Post#4028148    
    In response to Aunt Rosy

Nora,

If i were you, I would be also be upset. It comes across to me that she expects you to go out of your way for her. It may be because of your thoughtfulness in the past. But I think she feels as though, she doesn't need to do the same for you, by sending a thank you card.

Is she one of your or your DH's siblings? Maybe you could express your feeling to them and they can set her straight.

 
CBisme 
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CBisme
Reg: 10-05-07

11-27-12 10:26 PM - Post#4028150    
    In response to Aunt Rosy

I wouldn't expect a note/card for the Halloween stuff but a "thanks" in a text/call is necessary. The graduation gift should have been followed with a thank you card. Is she related to you or dh? I know if I pulled that crap, my aunts (Mom's sisters) would have called me on it. It seems like someone needs a lesson on showing gratitude.

And for asking for a CHI flat iron...WOW! My aunts were super generous but that's taking it to a whole new level. Geez.

 
michann 
Scrapjazz Contributor
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michann
Reg: 01-09-06

11-27-12 10:41 PM - Post#4028154    
    In response to CBisme

  • CBisme Said:
I wouldn't expect a note/card for the Halloween stuff but a "thanks" in a text/call is necessary. The graduation gift should have been followed with a thank you card. Is she related to you or dh? I know if I pulled that crap, my aunts (Mom's sisters) would have called me on it. It seems like someone needs a lesson on showing gratitude.

And for asking for a CHI flat iron...WOW! My aunts were super generous but that's taking it to a whole new level. Geez.



ditto to this.


 
RedSquirrel 
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RedSquirrel
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11-28-12 02:06 AM - Post#4028162    
    In response to michann

I agree. I always believed that I don't send gifts to be thanked, but when it doesn't happen, it rankles. My cousin and his wife is my example.

Thanking the giver for a gift is basic good manners and the child ought to know how to behave. Are you close enough to her mother or to her, to bring it up? That kind of life lesson is best coming from her mother rather than her aunt I think, but if the mother won't do it then maybe you could?

I know when my Mum told her sister that my cousin hadn't thanked her for (or even acknowledged) a major windfall cheque that she sent, my aunt's response was and to apologise on his behalf. My cousin has been brought up the right way, the same as his sister, he just doesn't do it. Maybe your niece needs a reminder.

 
gingersfavorite 
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gingersfavorite
Reg: 08-13-07

11-28-12 06:07 AM - Post#4028180    
    In response to RedSquirrel

wow - yeah, that's disappointing. Can't imagine texting someone that I received the package they sent me - yet not adding a simple "Thanks!"

I wouldn't feel like going all out for the expensive Christmas gift that she wants either. Maybe a gift card (partial price) to somewhere she could purchase the chi iron (?)

 
3 Little Ladies 
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3 Little Ladies
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11-28-12 08:18 AM - Post#4028206    
    In response to gingersfavorite

I think like with a lot of things common courtesy is sadly not the norm anymore. I would be a little disappointed too.

I would just gift her cash or a gift card in the amount you would normally spend to go toward her flat iron.

 
carpe scrapum 
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carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

11-28-12 10:06 AM - Post#4028222    
    In response to 3 Little Ladies

I would like a thank you, it's just the nice thing to do...

 
scrappydappydoodler 
SJ Diva
Posts: 5193
scrappydappydoodler
Reg: 11-21-07

11-28-12 01:16 PM - Post#4028274    
    In response to carpe scrapum

I would expect a spoken thank you at least. I probably wouldn't send her anything for Christmas, especially if she told me what to get. If I did buy something it would be a $20 flat iron from walmart and a card. Somewhere on the card I would write "You're Welcome".

 
Beth Ann 
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Beth Ann
Reg: 01-23-03

11-28-12 01:17 PM - Post#4028276    
    In response to carpe scrapum

You should certainly EXPECT a thank you of some sort.

When a gift is given in person, a personal, spoken, thank you may be appropriate. Depending on the size of the effort / gift / etc, a follow up written thank you may also be appropriate.

Honestly, *I* wouldn't give her a Christmas gift at all. No one should expect a gift. EVER.

If asked why, I'd say something along the lines of "you know that rule, if you send a Christmas card twice to someone without hearing back, you assume you're off their list and take them off yours? Same thing for gifts and 'thank yous'. We assumed you didn't care to receive any more from us since you couldn't be bothered to even say thank you."

 
kaleidoscope 
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kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

11-28-12 02:35 PM - Post#4028330    
    In response to Beth Ann

Say something to her.

 
scrappydappydoodler 
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scrappydappydoodler
Reg: 11-21-07

11-28-12 02:47 PM - Post#4028338    
    In response to Beth Ann

  • Beth Ann Said:
You should certainly EXPECT a thank you of some sort.

When a gift is given in person, a personal, spoken, thank you may be appropriate. Depending on the size of the effort / gift / etc, a follow up written thank you may also be appropriate.

Honestly, *I* wouldn't give her a Christmas gift at all. No one should expect a gift. EVER.

If asked why, I'd say something along the lines of "you know that rule, if you send a Christmas card twice to someone without hearing back, you assume you're off their list and take them off yours? Same thing for gifts and 'thank yous'. We assumed you didn't care to receive any more from us since you couldn't be bothered to even say thank you."[/quote]

Love it!!

 
Nora 
Blue Crew Member
Posts: 53392
Nora
Reg: 01-22-03

11-30-12 02:08 PM - Post#4028688    
    In response to scrappydappydoodler

My niece is the daughter of my dh's brother and has no mother. I might say something to her if I get her alone. It is not something I would say in a text or in an e-mail.

I do expect some kind of thank you-even if it is a call. I don't buy that I should tolerate it because "everyone is like that now." My SIL and brother are the same way and it IRKS me. I don't even know if they have gotten the gifts I sent in the first place, let alone a thank you. And my brother was taught better then that.

I am not going to get her an expensive flat iron I decided. I am going to spend what I usually spend on her and get a cheaper brand with a gift receipt. If she doesn't like it, she can take it back.

She isn't a bad kid but since she didn't have a mother, I always bought more for her because I felt bad. She does always remember Charlotte with a special gift just from her-even if it was something she bought at a school craft fair when she was young. She just isn't gracious.

 
kaleidoscope 
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27008
kaleidoscope
Reg: 02-13-09

11-30-12 02:42 PM - Post#4028692    
    In response to Nora

I'm glad you will say something to her. Just let her know it hurts your feelings (as well as other people's) if she doesn't acknowledge the thought and consideration with a thank you. Tell her it might not matter to her if other people don't thank her for things she does but it does matter to a lot of others. I agree - we don't have to tolerate 'everyone is like that now'. First, it's not true. Most of the kids ToT'ing at my house had the manners to say thank you.

 
Grandma to 3 
SJ Aficionada
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Grandma to 3
Reg: 06-15-10

11-30-12 02:55 PM - Post#4028696    
    In response to kaleidoscope

It would irk me to not to get a thank you, either verbally or an email or a text. My DSis' kids always say thank you -- they might have to be prodded (usually at the younger age) but they say it. I'm usually always there when they open those gifts. However, on the other side, my DGS on my DH's side (I married into the family, he was 6) never says it. Even when I'm in the room with him. Irks the crap out of me, but since I'm the 'newbie' in the family, I don't say a word. Even if I did, it wouldn't be looked upon in a good light. I'd love to cut his gifts down, but since he's the only GS (well, was -- he now has a 3mo surprise DB) the majority of what we spend at the holiday is for him.

 
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