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Username Post: I probably made Aiden's teacher mad :/        (Topic#323516)
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
Reg: 07-22-08

11-15-12 10:10 AM - Post#4025978    

The way Aiden's school is set up, the special needs pre-school has their own fenced in playground with direct access from inside the classroom. In the mornings when I drop Aiden off we go through the main school building, the office is right in front, they give me a visitor tag and I walk Aiden all the way inside his room. During the warm months the little ones are on the playground when it's time for pickup so we just come to the playground gate and the teacher comes and lets them out.

Now fast forward to the colder months. They told us to keep coming to the playground gate and they would watch for the parents in the afternoon and bring the kids out as we show up. Do you see where I'm going with this? For the last couple of weeks alllll of the kids, not just Aiden have been in serious melt down mode when it comes time to pick them up. They go out into the playground thinking Hey! Time to play only to be disappointed. Several times I've had to actually pull over halfway home to try to get Aiden calmed down. Yes I know it sounds like he's just being bratty but that's really not the case. If he gets something in his head that is "supposed" to happen and it doesn't....sooooo not good.

Anyway, I mentioned to his teacher two weeks ago if maybe I could come inside and pick him up and take him out through the school in the afternoons instead of them taking him through the playground. She said no, no reason, no other better solution. So I just sort of bit my tongue but after Tuesday I was fed up. Four of the little ones came out at the same time and they were literally having to drag them kicking and screaming. They were holding on to the playground equipment...it was awful. Again on the way home I had to pull over but this time Aiden made himself throw up.

Well this morning I asked to talk to his Teacher again and I told her what had happened and I asked again if we could come up with another solution. I was totally shut down. So as much as I hated to do it I went to the office and asked to speak with the principal. I apologized all over myself and kept telling her how much I like Aiden's teacher I just really needed to find a way that this wasn't so difficult for Aiden. She agreed there was no reason why I couldn't just pick him up from inside from now on and told me she would take care of it. I hope I did the right thing. I hate the idea of putting someone in a bad spot at their job.

 
hockeymom24 
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hockeymom24
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11-15-12 10:21 AM - Post#4025980    
    In response to Kimberly M

you did the right thing... the teacher wasn't willing to work with you so if the problem wasn't solved then you needed to go higher up. way to go! hopefully tonight's pick up will go much smoother.

 
carpe scrapum 
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carpe scrapum
Reg: 12-27-05

11-15-12 10:28 AM - Post#4025982    
    In response to hockeymom24

Stepping around an unwilling teacher is a non issue for me if I have tried time and again to solve a problem. I have not had to do this yet but I wouldn't hesitate if my kid was suffering as a result of not looking at different solutions. No need for aiden to go through the stress of not understanding why he can't play. Enough challenges are faced daily for him in my opinion.

 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
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11-15-12 10:31 AM - Post#4025984    
    In response to carpe scrapum

We have just worked SO hard over this past year to curb the epic melt downs. We went from daily issues to maybe once or twice a month. That is such a huge blessing! We have a better understanding of how different situations effect him and I can't stand the idea of putting him through this for no good reason.

 
kaleidoscope 
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kaleidoscope
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11-15-12 10:54 AM - Post#4025986    
    In response to Kimberly M

I wouldn't have taken no for an answer the first time. She's lucky she deals with you and not me.

 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
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11-15-12 10:56 AM - Post#4025988    
    In response to kaleidoscope

  • kaleidoscope Said:
I wouldn't have taken no for an answer the first time. She's lucky she deals with you and not me.




I love you Tam lol

 
kaleidoscope 
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11-15-12 10:56 AM - Post#4025990    
    In response to Kimberly M

Yeah, I probably wasn't a favorite parent.

 
3 Little Ladies 
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3 Little Ladies
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11-15-12 11:23 AM - Post#4025992    
    In response to kaleidoscope

If the teacher mentions it to you just remind her that you went to her twice asking for other solutions before you went to the principal.

You did the right thing.

 
Beth Ann 
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Beth Ann
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11-15-12 11:49 AM - Post#4025994    
    In response to 3 Little Ladies

I wish the teacher had explained *why* she doesn't want to change the process. It may be that having a parent come to the class will set off ALL the students, and she's trying to avoid that.

How long does it take Aiden to learn new expectations? Will it cause problems that now you're walking back through the school when he has never done that before?

Could it be that a better solution would have been to ask the teacher to stop and explain to Aiden that it is now time to leave after the teacher sees you but before walking him outside?

 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
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11-15-12 12:04 PM - Post#4025998    
    In response to Beth Ann

  • Beth Ann Said:
I wish the teacher had explained *why* she doesn't want to change the process. It may be that having a parent come to the class will set off ALL the students, and she's trying to avoid that.

How long does it take Aiden to learn new expectations? Will it cause problems that now you're walking back through the school when he has never done that before?

Could it be that a better solution would have been to ask the teacher to stop and explain to Aiden that it is now time to leave after the teacher sees you but before walking him outside?




If his teacher would have given me a valid reason for not wanting me to come to the classroom to pick him up I wouldn't have pushed the issue at all. Last year Aiden went to the same pre-school and we always came out through the school instead of the playground. They just started that new process this year. One of the main struggles we have is because we aren't sure how much he understands when we talk to him. We always set expectations and it rarely seems to get through to him.


 
Curly Laura 
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Curly Laura
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11-15-12 01:04 PM - Post#4026002    
    In response to Kimberly M

How frustrating. I agree that if she had explained that would have made a difference. I'm guessing since you asked twice she either has no reason, or has a reason that doesn't hold water (like it's just easier for her).

You did the right thing. What else could you have done? Continued to torture poor Aiden with the idea of playground time and then not getting it?



 
carpe scrapum 
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carpe scrapum
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11-15-12 01:36 PM - Post#4026018    
    In response to Kimberly M

  • Kimberly M Said:
  • Beth Ann Said:
I wish the teacher had explained *why* she doesn't want to change the process. It may be that having a parent come to the class will set off ALL the students, and she's trying to avoid that.

How long does it take Aiden to learn new expectations? Will it cause problems that now you're walking back through the school when he has never done that before?

Could it be that a better solution would have been to ask the teacher to stop and explain to Aiden that it is now time to leave after the teacher sees you but before walking him outside?




If his teacher would have given me a valid reason for not wanting me to come to the classroom to pick him up I wouldn't have pushed the issue at all. Last year Aiden went to the same pre-school and we always came out through the school instead of the playground. They just started that new process this year. One of the main struggles we have is because we aren't sure how much he understands when we talk to him. We always set expectations and it rarely seems to get through to him.




Asking the teacher why you can't pick him up inside should not be your responsibility. The teacher should be proactive and let you know right away unless she was being passive aggressive, which is my gut feeling...


 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
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11-15-12 01:42 PM - Post#4026022    
    In response to carpe scrapum

It worked out fine today when I picked him up. One of the Aides was sitting with him waiting in the vestibule as we came in. She whispered to me "I'm so glad you asked to do this, I have felt so sorry for him I could cry." He was happy and giggly all the way home. Mission accomplished.

 
carpe scrapum 
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carpe scrapum
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11-15-12 01:46 PM - Post#4026028    
    In response to Kimberly M

What about the teacher?

 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
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11-15-12 01:47 PM - Post#4026030    
    In response to carpe scrapum

  • carpe scrapum Said:
What about the teacher?



She wasn't out there, just the Aide.

 
carpe scrapum 
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carpe scrapum
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11-15-12 01:47 PM - Post#4026032    
    In response to Kimberly M

Ah

 
kaleidoscope 
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kaleidoscope
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11-15-12 01:49 PM - Post#4026034    
    In response to carpe scrapum



 
Just Jan 
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Just Jan
Reg: 11-05-09

11-15-12 01:54 PM - Post#4026040    
    In response to Curly Laura

You did the right thing, Kim. You mentioned that other children in the class have the same issue regarding the playground equipment so perhaps a definite rule should be set in place - ALL children will be picked up inside the classroom from Nov 1st to Apr 30th - no exceptions.
She sounds like an outstanding Special Ed teacher and should be familiar with the difficulty these children have with "change". Hopefully some of the other mothers spoke up too.

 
3 Little Ladies 
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3 Little Ladies
Reg: 03-10-05

11-15-12 01:58 PM - Post#4026044    
    In response to Just Jan

I'm glad it worked out better for you and Aiden.

 
gingersfavorite 
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gingersfavorite
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11-15-12 02:00 PM - Post#4026046    
    In response to 3 Little Ladies

teacher should know better. Good for you mama!

 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
Reg: 07-22-08

11-15-12 02:03 PM - Post#4026050    
    In response to gingersfavorite

I honestly have nothing but good things to say about his teacher. I think she's just a very in charge type of person and wasn't happy for me to make a suggestion. But he's mine to protect even if I have to make a few sore toes along the way.

 
Beth Ann 
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Beth Ann
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11-15-12 03:03 PM - Post#4026070    
    In response to Kimberly M

so glad it was smoother today!

 
moxiegirl23 
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11-15-12 03:36 PM - Post#4026072    
    In response to Beth Ann

I would feel bad for causing trouble for the teacher if it was just my kid that was affected, but the sticking point for me was that you said multiple kids were having this issue and that bothers me because all the special ed teachers I know have procedures in place to prevent as many meltdowns as possible.

 
MindySue 
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MindySue
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11-15-12 05:22 PM - Post#4026080    
    In response to moxiegirl23

I am so glad things went well today. I know its hard when the teacher doesn't see your point of view.

 
scrappydappydoodler 
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11-16-12 07:44 AM - Post#4026134    
    In response to MindySue

You would think that a special education teacher would be more flexible. Children are unpredictable no matter what their ability. Grown up have to know how to adapt. We have those skills, children don't. Maybe it's a control issue with her or maybe it was her idea and she wants to make sure it works. Never know. Good that you could get it fixed. Hope the other moms do the same.

 
RedSquirrel 
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11-16-12 08:19 AM - Post#4026144    
    In response to scrappydappydoodler

I was wondering the same as Carmen. If the teacher is excellent in other ways, could she be covering up for a directive from higher up that she doesn't agree with, but she has to be loyal to her boss?

 
kaleidoscope 
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kaleidoscope
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11-16-12 08:27 AM - Post#4026150    
    In response to RedSquirrel

I doubt it Rosey. If the teacher was told this is how we want you to release the kids then she could have just said so to Kim.

 
RedSquirrel 
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11-16-12 08:44 AM - Post#4026154    
    In response to kaleidoscope

If it was a request from another parent and there was a confidentiality issue involved maybe? I don't know. I'm trying to play devil's advocate, as the teacher seems to have her head screwed on the right way in all other ways, you know?

Kim, I'm just very pleased that you had the wit to know what was causing the problem, and the courage to push to get it sorted. Aiden's a lucky little man having you as his momma.

 
kaleidoscope 
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kaleidoscope
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11-16-12 09:13 AM - Post#4026164    
    In response to RedSquirrel

  • Quote:
the teacher seems to have her head screwed on the right way in all other ways, you know?




well, everyone has to have their head screwy somewhere.

 
Kimberly M 
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Kimberly M
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11-16-12 10:23 AM - Post#4026168    
    In response to RedSquirrel

  • RedSquirrel Said:
If it was a request from another parent and there was a confidentiality issue involved maybe? I don't know. I'm trying to play devil's advocate, as the teacher seems to have her head screwed on the right way in all other ways, you know?

Kim, I'm just very pleased that you had the wit to know what was causing the problem, and the courage to push to get it sorted. Aiden's a lucky little man having you as his momma.




I can't imagine how it would effect one of the other kids but I guess it's possible. We pick him up at 2:00 and there are only four kids left at that point. The other 16 ride the bus home and leave at 1:45. Yesterday one of the Aides was with him in the lobby when we came in, no other of the kids around. They were all back in the classroom. They have six Aides so It wouldn't seem like it was leaving them short handed for the other three. I sincerely am not one to cause trouble but if you could have seen him on the way home those days you would understand better why it was so important to me to get this corrected for him. We went through a year or more of him screaming, banging his head, crying until he vomits, clawing at his skin at the least frustration and we have FINALLY gotten that under control to where it's a rarity...I can't put him through that again. I don't think I can go through that again, especially since she didn't think it was important enough to give me a reason why we must endure it. If it was something she couldn't discuss she could have said so...it's necessary but not something I can discuss.

 
Nora 
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Nora
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11-17-12 01:37 PM - Post#4026402    
    In response to Kimberly M

Having worked in a lot of schools, often these things do come from higher then the teacher. It could be kids and adults walking past classrooms in the hall disturb the other classrooms? Other teachers could have complained about this? I am just playing devil's advocate here. And I very rarely throw my boss under the bus if it is a directive from above when someone questions me. I just say it is a rule.

Often rules like this seem stupid to parents but there is some method to the madness behind it, whether you agree or not.

For example, at the HS where I work, parents are NOT supposed to drop kids off in the front of the school in the morning or park and wait for kids at dismissal. This area is for the special ed vans that drop off and pick up the kids. Do you know how many parents ignore this? It burns me because last year a parent hit one of the busses WITH students in it. All because going behind the gym where they are supposed to go is too inconvenient. I don't do dismissal anymore but we used to have to go up to cars and tell them to move so the vans had room to park and wait. Again, there is a reason for this rule but most parents just see it as an inconvenience. (I am not saying that is what you thought but just how things are where I work. I know things are hard for Aiden.)

It seems that you solved it and everything is now all right. I am glad that everything worked out.

 
Kimberly M 
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11-17-12 02:13 PM - Post#4026408    
    In response to Nora

Oh I don't pretend to know all the things involved in taking care of a school of students but I have to be MY child's biggest advocate. I realize the most important thing to the school is the good of the whole, as it should be, but we are supposed to work together on things like this and find a compromise. I would never ask for something or push for a change that would put another child at risk, but it's going to take a lot more than "because I say so" for me to allow him to endure an unnecessary shove over the edge. I thought that was the point of having a "special needs" class to make allowances for issues like this. He hasn't learned to control the way his brain reacts to stressful situations and he may never be able to do that. Thankfully it was worked out and if his teachers hate me so be it, I suspect I've got a long road of upsetting teachers ahead of me.

 
kaleidoscope 
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11-17-12 02:30 PM - Post#4026410    
    In response to Kimberly M

  • Kimberly M Said:
, but it's going to take a lot more than "because I say so"



I think that was part of the problem. You don't just tell people no without a valid reason.

 
MindySue 
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11-17-12 04:40 PM - Post#4026446    
    In response to Kimberly M

  • Kimberly M Said:
I suspect I've got a long road of upsetting teachers ahead of me.



That is how I feel too - especially after what I saw on Halloween with my son. I have realized that even if the teacher thinks they have things right, as a parent, we have a different perspective, and it takes working together to get on the same page. and that takes time

 
Nora 
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Nora
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11-18-12 12:18 PM - Post#4026494    
    In response to gingersfavorite

Oh dear. I wasn't criticizing you Kimberly-just playing devil's advocate. I would have done the SAME THING!!! I am just saying that sometimes it comes from above. Many times it does take a parent complaint for things to change. Parents SHOULD speak up!! Believe me, there are some really dumb rules out there that I wish parents would take a stand on!!

 
kaleidoscope 
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11-18-12 01:30 PM - Post#4026506    
    In response to Nora

  • Nora Said:
Oh dear. I wasn't criticizing you Kimberly-just playing devil's advocate. I would have done the SAME THING!!! I am just saying that sometimes it comes from above. Many times it does take a parent complaint for things to change. Parents SHOULD speak up!! Believe me, there are some really dumb rules out there that I wish parents would take a stand on!!



but if it comes from above then you should say so. "I'm sorry. I was told this is the new rule. If you want to do something differently, you'll have to speak with so-n-so." I don't think it's 'throwing your boss under the bus' when they have the power to change a rule you didn't make. If you made the rule, own up to it and explain why. There's always a chance a compromise could be worked out without needing to go over someone's head and causing more animosity.

 
Nora 
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Nora
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11-18-12 02:37 PM - Post#4026514    
    In response to kaleidoscope

You would think that it was OK to do that but I have worked in situations when the teacher got black balled for doing this and eventually was forced out. It was in a private school I worked at. If the teacher didn't have tenure, she might not have. I am not saying it is right or not.



 
kaleidoscope 
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kaleidoscope
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11-18-12 06:05 PM - Post#4026560    
    In response to Nora

No, it's not right. Jerks. The thing is, you'll just end up with a parent going over the teacher's head anyway AND creating more animosity.

Too much political crap is one of the reasons I chose not to continue going to school for ed.

 
Nora 
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Nora
Reg: 01-22-03

11-18-12 07:20 PM - Post#4026566    
    In response to kaleidoscope

One of the reasons I am a para not a teacher, though I almost have a masters in Spec Ed! I stopped because I knew I couldn't deal with being pulled from both end. I don't like the political crap either!! I can pretty much stay away from it and have the teacher deal with it. As long as I am doing my job (which I have to say, I am good at) I am good.

 
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