carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 03:34 PM - Post#4030604
Greg brought up Xmas with his sister in front of me at the club. Se freaked and said no way she would got to he restaurant. I knew it. I was dead silent during the whole exchange. Awkward... I almost died! I know she's mad now. She also said she won't come over for gift exchange either. She's the only one being difficult and it makes me not want to do anything at all. I know Greg is stressed out about too but I could have strangled him for doing this with me there. He knows I avoid confrontation like the plague!
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
gingersfavorite
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 45011
Reg: 08-13-07
|
12-08-12 03:35 PM - Post#4030606
In response to carpe scrapum
{{ big hugs }}
my blog: sanibeldaydreams
Eliminate everything unnecessary in your life in order to put first things first.
 big C - Christ .... little c - cancer
|
|
kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25391
Reg: 02-13-09
|
12-08-12 03:41 PM - Post#4030608
In response to gingersfavorite
shrug it off and just say her loss. She doesn't get to dictate who's hosting and where.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
|
RedSquirrel
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27888
Reg: 06-13-08
|
12-08-12 03:44 PM - Post#4030610
In response to gingersfavorite
Oh no! I'm sorry Vivi. 
I don't understand why she is so dead set on coming to your house though? What's wrong with a restaurant? Our families used to meet for Christmas dinner in a pub for years. 
Is it snobbery? Tradition? What?
 Rosey's blog: Squirrel's nuts--
--------------2010 2011 2012 2013
Layouts-------56----45---25---.42
Cards.---------82--129---75---.43
Xmas cards---53----91---66---..3
"Use what talents you possess — the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke |
|
carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 04:51 PM - Post#4030612
In response to RedSquirrel
I think she has a very strong sense of how things should be in her head for her girls and is unable to deviate from that. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that her girls don't have a stable involved father and she tries to protect the world she's created for them even at the cost of others' happiness or convenience. I am very upset that she feels she has to host now and said she won't be coming if we have it at the restaurant. It's always her way or the highway. This is why we don't go on vacation with her anymore. I'm so done with all this crap, I really am. Her stubbornness has gotten out of control and I can't say that I will always be there for her as I have been for the past years. Calls in the middle of the night for me to come over for one crisis or another. Endless hour at the er alone with her when she was having issues with her PFO. Groceries brought to her because we wanted to help her with the lack of child support. Huge gifts for her and her girls always. I can go on and on... I doubt she stops to think about how this affects Greg or I at all.
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
RedSquirrel
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27888
Reg: 06-13-08
|
12-08-12 05:00 PM - Post#4030616
In response to carpe scrapum
Bummer. She sounds far too sensitive for comfort. Maybe it's time for her to have a few home truths pointed out to her. I hate how Christmas so often brings these bubbling-under niggles to a crisis.
Rosey's blog: Squirrel's nuts--
--------------2010 2011 2012 2013
Layouts-------56----45---25---.42
Cards.---------82--129---75---.43
Xmas cards---53----91---66---..3
"Use what talents you possess — the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke |
|
rottiefan
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 16921
Reg: 11-03-06
|
12-08-12 05:40 PM - Post#4030618
In response to RedSquirrel
So she's insisting on having it at her house now? With you guys to it at her house?
|
FloridaScrapper
SJ Deity
Posts: 84512
Reg: 07-02-04
|
12-08-12 05:44 PM - Post#4030620
In response to rottiefan
"oh I am so sorry you cant make it...we will miss you"
“The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.”
THIS IS FOR TAM... SHE CAN SUCK IT
I CAN HAVE A BIG SIGNATURE IF I
WANT ONE!!! SHE IS NOT THE BOSS OF
ME!!! |
|
carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 05:50 PM - Post#4030628
In response to RedSquirrel
Well it sure won't be me to point them out, I'll probably take them to my grave. I'm just not going to make myself so available to her all the time...
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25391
Reg: 02-13-09
|
12-08-12 05:54 PM - Post#4030634
In response to carpe scrapum
Well it sure won't be me to point them out, I'll probably take them to my grave. I'm just not going to make myself so available to her all the time...
The problem is Vivi, you can't fix what you don't know is broken. If you don't tell people the problem then they can't do anything about it. Maybe they won't anyway but they can't if they don't know.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
|
scrappinmamma
SJ Grand Poobah
Posts: 2154
Reg: 01-07-07
|
12-08-12 06:04 PM - Post#4030636
In response to kaleidoscope
I totally agree with Tam!
Maybe you could write a letter to her, listing all of the times that you and Greg have been there for her, all of the gifts, etc. and then say we don't understand why you don't realize this and why you couldn't accept our hosting at a restaurant.
If you think it would start WWIII, then I would wait until after the new year to send it. And I would have both you and Greg sign it.
Kathleen - Happily married mom of 2 Lil Darlings!
In memory of those, we loved and lost...
Teegan, Jeannie, Janice, Ruthann and Auntie Cathy.
|
|
Kimberly M
SJ Diva
Posts: 8881
Reg: 07-22-08
|
12-08-12 06:10 PM - Post#4030640
In response to scrappinmamma
It's such a hard situation, you want to keep the peace but sometimes it's just too much to keep putting up with. I have no advice because I'm not sure what I would do in that same situation, but I love ya ((hug))
Blog Gallery Facebook
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me.”
|
|
kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25391
Reg: 02-13-09
|
12-08-12 06:12 PM - Post#4030642
In response to scrappinmamma
I was thinking a letter, too. That way the person has to 'listen' (most people wouldn't be able to ignore a letter) and it lets you gather your thoughts and get your message across as best you can.
Also, "I" messages. I feel... otherwise it becomes blame (even if you're not wrong) and the person feels/becomes defensive. You want them to understand where you are coming from.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
|
carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 06:29 PM - Post#4030648
In response to scrappinmamma
Tam, I couldn't agree with you more. Here is the issue though, I'm a terrible spineless jellyfish. I know my truths and have never felt I should have to argue for them. I am always the one to walk away. I have in the past lost it a little with her and confronted her very mildly but those where times that she was very clearly in the wrong and my heart almost jumped out of my chest each time. Se is not one to apologize at all and always ends up annoying me more by calling me every two minutes with some silly excuse.
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 06:31 PM - Post#4030650
In response to kaleidoscope
I was thinking a letter, too. That way the person has to 'listen' (most people wouldn't be able to ignore a letter) and it lets you gather your thoughts and get your message across as best you can.
Also, "I" messages. I feel... otherwise it becomes blame (even if you're not wrong) and the person feels/becomes defensive. You want them to understand where you are coming from.
I just don't know why but I feel so goofy writing a letter. I'm a hardened woman I suppose but I just don't want to dignify her actions with the time to write a letter and pour my heart out only to risk her wrath...
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
3 Little Ladies
SJ Deity
Posts: 69691
Reg: 03-10-05
|
12-08-12 07:18 PM - Post#4030654
In response to carpe scrapum
Does she feel like the restaurant is to impersonal? Have you told her that hosting stresses you out? Not that you should have to explain yourself, but maybe if you did she could see it from your point of view. I don't know. Sometimes no matter what you say or do some people just cant see beyond their own needs or wants, selfish. I have a family member like that.
Jen (*lilcamsmom)
Married to my HS sweetheart
SAHM to my 3 little ladies (13,11, & 5)
NO I'M NOT GOING TO TRY FOR A BOY!!!!!
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. -Dr. Suess
|
|
carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 07:25 PM - Post#4030656
In response to 3 Little Ladies
Yes, I'm sure she feels like going to a restaurant will be impersonal and a pain to open presents there. But we got a room so that should not be a problem. And, we have talked countless of times about how entertaining while I have real little ones is not something I can handle at a large scale. She is just set in her ways and I think she feels she needs to make a point. It's dumb in my opinion. We are who we are and we handle what we can I ts not like I'm asking her to host...
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
rottiefan
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 16921
Reg: 11-03-06
|
12-08-12 08:12 PM - Post#4030658
In response to carpe scrapum
No you're not asking her to host at all. But is she taking it upon herself now to host? Or will the others and you do the restaurant thing?
|
carpe scrapum
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14322
Reg: 12-27-05
|
12-08-12 08:40 PM - Post#4030662
In response to rottiefan
She has stated that she will be hosting and that will be that. No way will she go to the restaurant. Poor me, I always have to be the one to host... That seemed to be the underlined sentiment behind her words. My thinking is this. If you are the one who is set on always doing things a certain way, then you need to be prepared to always do the work. I'm not inclined on spending Xmas with half of those people anyway so why should I put the effort? Also, we did offer a solution. One we thought was quite generous at the very least.
I would never say this to her though...
| My signature is small because Tam said so... |
|
RedSquirrel
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27888
Reg: 06-13-08
|
12-09-12 02:28 AM - Post#4030676
In response to carpe scrapum
Sisters-in-law. Pfft. I've told you already what ours has done over our Christmas, haven't I? 
Rosey's blog: Squirrel's nuts--
--------------2010 2011 2012 2013
Layouts-------56----45---25---.42
Cards.---------82--129---75---.43
Xmas cards---53----91---66---..3
"Use what talents you possess — the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke |
|
