kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25358
Reg: 02-13-09
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09-25-12 06:49 PM - Post#4014386
When out somewhere with someone and they ask if I want something (or to do something) that costs money. If they are asking with no other specifics I don't understand if I'm supposed to take it as an offer (their treat) or if I want to do (or eat) something but we each pay our own.
Like being at a food service counter and the person you're with asks if you want something. They don't say "it's my treat" or ask "are you getting anything?" which I can more easily assume they're asking if I'm getting myself something. But I'm afraid to assume that if someone asks if I want something that they're going to pay because then I'd feel like an @ss if that's not what they meant.
Or like tonight when we had bowling practice for the team. I was asked by someone if I wanted to bowl (this was separate from the athletes' practice, in our own lane). I asked if it was her treat because I didn't know if that's what she meant. She agreed but then by the way she said it (sort of hesitantly) I realized that's not what she meant so I said I'd pay for myself. It made me feel uncomfortable I even asked in the first place. If someone had said to me hey, you want to bowl and we'll each pay our own, then I might've just turned it down.
 socialization is not something I'm good at.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
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gingersfavorite
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 45004
Reg: 08-13-07
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09-25-12 06:52 PM - Post#4014390
In response to kaleidoscope
aw that stinks  I can understand how the wording is vague and leaves you wondering.
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scrappinmamma
SJ Grand Poobah
Posts: 2153
Reg: 01-07-07
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09-25-12 06:56 PM - Post#4014394
In response to kaleidoscope
Don't worry Tam,
I have been there too. Sometimes I just don't know how to respond either. I hope someone has a good polite way to deal with this situation.
Kathleen - Happily married mom of 2 Lil Darlings!
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3 Little Ladies
SJ Deity
Posts: 69679
Reg: 03-10-05
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09-25-12 07:10 PM - Post#4014400
In response to scrappinmamma
It's better to assume that you are going to pay your own way unless they actually say, "my/our treat."
Jen (*lilcamsmom)
Married to my HS sweetheart
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NO I'M NOT GOING TO TRY FOR A BOY!!!!!
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FloridaScrapper
SJ Deity
Posts: 84510
Reg: 07-02-04
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09-25-12 07:32 PM - Post#4014408
In response to 3 Little Ladies
I always treat if I ask otherwise you're on your
Own lol
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CBisme
SJ Divalicious
Posts: 14769
Reg: 10-05-07
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09-25-12 07:36 PM - Post#4014412
In response to FloridaScrapper
I assume it's dutch if it's an ambiguous "offer." I have a few friends where we treat back and forth for drinks, appetizers, etc. Everyone else, I assume that I pay. I don't feel comfortable letting anyone but a close friend (in the we treat each other group) paying.
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kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25358
Reg: 02-13-09
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09-25-12 07:48 PM - Post#4014420
In response to 3 Little Ladies
It's better to assume that you are going to pay your own way unless they actually say, "my/our treat."
And that is why I usually just say no. Because if it hadn't been offered as a treat, I wouldn't have bought it myself.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
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kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25358
Reg: 02-13-09
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09-25-12 07:55 PM - Post#4014428
In response to CBisme
I don't feel comfortable letting anyone but a close friend (in the we treat each other group) paying.
It took me a long time just to say yes when people would offer me a drink in their home even when I wanted to.  I was always extremely shy/self-conscious growing up. Even when I started accepting I felt weird about it. For me, it's a lose/lose situation.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
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cindy312
SJ Devotee
Posts: 209
Reg: 04-28-10
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09-26-12 10:14 AM - Post#4014490
In response to kaleidoscope
Yeah, that is really awkward. I ALWAYS assume the other person won't be treating me. So in the case of bowling, I would have said, "Well, I'd enjoy it, but it's not something I can afford right now, so I'll have to say no." If my companion had intended to pay, she would jump in with "Oh, it's my treat!" And then nothing is awkward. 
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Judge Amy
SJ Diva
Posts: 5543
Reg: 01-27-05
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09-29-12 05:41 PM - Post#4015242
In response to cindy312
If it isn't something I would buy myself, I will generally say "I don't have the money to do that right now". This outs it back to them so they can say it is their treat if they had originally planned to treat, if they didn't then it allows for the conversation to move on with no uncomfortableness and no money out of pocket for me.
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kaleidoscope
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 25358
Reg: 02-13-09
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09-29-12 06:11 PM - Post#4015246
In response to Judge Amy
Yeah, but that doesn't fly if you're doing anything else you've spent money on. And I don't feel comfortable saying that if I actually did have the money, just that I wouldn't buy it for myself.
It would just make everything so much easier if people would be straightforward with what they mean.
Friends aren't people you particularly like for any special reason. You just like people because they're your friends.
Rosamunde Pilcher, The Empty House |
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RedSquirrel
SJ Queen of the Crop
Posts: 27846
Reg: 06-13-08
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09-30-12 02:09 AM - Post#4015266
In response to kaleidoscope
Can you say something like "I have to choose carefully where my money goes"? I know what you mean about not being honest, but I don't think you have to justify yourself with an exact explanation to people who you are not intimate with. If they don't know your financial position already, then they are not close enough for you to be that detailed with.
You're right, it IS a difficult situation, because those who have the money don't realise, or forget what it's like for those who haven't. Then they don't factor in that consideration before they speak.
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 Nora
Blue Crew Member
Posts: 52005
Reg: 01-22-03
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10-06-12 01:42 PM - Post#4016446
In response to RedSquirrel
I just assume that I pay my own way. I do have friends where we treat back and forth.
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